i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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