he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize