I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
