So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
