tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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