Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
