Say something about gay babies.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No subtext here. People are naked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
