I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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