no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
