I cannot find my penis.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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