hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize