You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
