Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
