Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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