then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
