Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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