So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
