That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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