The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
