I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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