There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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