theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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