oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
