I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm bleeding and have questions
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
