maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hippo gnu deer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize