i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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