You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
