theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
