I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize