She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
