Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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