Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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