You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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