You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
