u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
