bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
