i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
