I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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