we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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