I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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