That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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