Sober January is a disaster.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
