So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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