Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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