Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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