There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
