Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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