Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
