she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
