Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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