Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
