Your dad touched me again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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