At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
