You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
