I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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