I could have mohawked her pubes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Randomize
