Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
