Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Bring me that man meat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
