I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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