yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
