omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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