moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
