I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
