So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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