I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
