I cannot find my penis.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
