I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
