the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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