I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
