I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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