I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
