I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize