Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
