I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
