I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
