Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no you cant smoke seaweed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
