I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
