She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize