I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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