My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
