I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
