it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize