I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
