Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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