Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
