you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
