This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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