Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
