you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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