What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
