I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
