Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
