How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
