drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
