guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
