I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
