before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
