Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
